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It Flows Through My Veins...

the desire to create.

It is why I was put on this earth. I have something to share. Unfortunately, there is a problem. I tend to get in my own way. By that I mean I am scared to actually put myself out there and risk opening up, criticism, and FAILURE. The last one is a BIG one. I feel like every time I fail, anyone who has ever told me that I will never amount to anything is essentially proven right. I have pretty much set myself up FOR failure by NOT ALLOWING myself TO fail. I am so scared of failing that I keep myself from succeeding.

I HAVE to succeed, because I have constantly been told that I will never amount to anything. I must prove the naysayers wrong.

I also have the "disease to please." I want to be liked by everybody. I don't want to offend, anger, hurt, or displease anyone. Talk about "dreaming the impossible dream."

Slowly, I am realizing that if I am going to be true to myself as a person and as an artist, I have to let go of all of this. There are going to be times when NO ONE will understand where I am coming from, NO ONE will agree with me, or NO ONE will get it. That's fine. As long as I can create freely, and express what is important to me, that's all that REALLY matters. If others DO happen to benefit from things that I have created, that will just be so much the better.

Of course, the ultimate expression of thanks for any artist is to have your work so deeply affect someone that it CHANGES them, it makes them question their way of thinking, believing, and BEING. I can't MAKE this happen. All I can do is be true to myself and hope that SOMEBODY will get it. Even if only one person "gets" it, my job is done. It means "Okay, this person was who I created this for." I will be happy with that.

From now on, I'm giving myself the freedom to create without boundaries, limitations, or roadblocks.

Now, the question is, Where will I be taken? :) :)


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jul. 1st, 2002 10:04 am (UTC)
Just do it Tommy. When you try, sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen.
But when you DON'T try, nothing happens.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )