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The Muse is Elusive

I'm really missing my creative energy. I haven't had the urge to express my creativity in quite a while. Just three years ago, I felt like I was at the top of my game, the energy was flowing so freely even I was amazed by it. Honestly, I didn't even know that I had it in me THAT much.

In the past, I would just HAVE to sit down and write. On some occassions, I would find myself asking, "Where is this coming from?" as my hand moved across the page. I would go back and re-read what I wrote and ask the same question again. Now, it is hard for me sit down and come up with anything that I really LIKE. Something MEANINGFUL.

I started several projects a few years ago and eventually hit a wall with them. When I hit that wall, I couldn't even figure out where to go with them, so I just stopped.

I've been keeping a daily journal for several years now. It started as part of a class assignment to get to know myself and my experiences. When I went back and read some of the entries I wrote several years ago, I could FEEL the energy in the pages. Now, my entries are much more cut and dried, almost laundry-list.

Now I find myself in a place that scares the HELL out of me. I don't even WANT to be creative anymore. The Muse is gone. I used to absorb everything about the industry that I could. Movies, music, books, magazines, videos, EVERYTHING.

I'm afraid that my creative energy is gone for good. I was given a gift and I haven't been able to use it. Now it has been taken away from me.

How do I get it back? What do I do with it if my spark is re-ignited?

I wish I knew.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 16th, 2002 09:33 am (UTC)
If you write it, they will come! ;)

That should be enough incentive for ya! :)
May. 16th, 2002 06:38 pm (UTC)

I'm sad to hear this is happening, but I feel some hope.

It seems like folk move in and out of seasons, and sometimes have dry phases like this. Things change, it may be a spark, or just a slow metamorphosis.

But I don't think you've lost your gift.

Rather, it will return. I'm reminded of what folk experience, when they're under stress--the survivor mode kicks in, and more sensitive, intuitive, creative faculties are suppressed. Are there major stresses in life this year?

You don't have to answer that, I'm just thinking out loud.

My greatest concern: This is happening, but I don't think it's permanent. It's a season, which will change.

May. 17th, 2002 12:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks Mark.

I hope so.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )